Why I'm a Stay at Home Mom

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"What do you do all day?" she asked me. 

In my stunned, swirling head, I searched for an answer, 

"I...um...well...I...um...you would be surprised how quickly the days fill up."

She realized the insensitivity of her question and back-pedaled a bit, but she had already tipped her hand. Even though she has a child the same age as mine, she wanted to know how someone could just sit at home all day with their kid. It was a judgment, and an unkind one at that. 

Fast forward a few weeks.

Her: "Your daughter is in half day preschool twice a week? That wouldn't really work for a working mom, but good for you! So what are you going to do with all that extra time?!"

Me:  (sheepishly) "I...um...well...I...um...like to have a breakfast or lunch date with a friend."

Her face said what her words did not: "Isn't that what you already do all the time anyway?"

I felt pressured. Like I somehow needed to explain myself. Like I was being looked down on. Like at the first sign of my child's independence I should immediately re-join the workforce. 

Now, I am still relatively new at this stay-at-home-mom gig. (The title of "stay-at-home-parent" is a terrible one, but it is widely accepted, so I will use it here and save that rant for another day.) I think I feel like anyone would two years into a new job: I have a pretty good idea of what I need to do and what works or doesn't work. But I also know that there is still a lot I need to learn. One of the things I had not encountered in my learning curve yet was that I may, at any moment, need to defend to someone why I do what I do because it is on some level inconceivable to them.

Humph.

There are so many reasons I choose to be a stay at home mom. Here are a few:

It's how I'm wired

Relationships are my highest value. I am a person who prefers a small number of deep relationships rather than a wide pool of acquaintances. If I had no other responsibilities or demands on my time, I would rather spend time with one of "my people" than do just about anything else in life. So, if I have the opportunity to invest in and interact with my own child, you can bet I'm going to do just that. Simply put, relationships are my bottom line. My personality type will do just about anything to be sure our values are not compromised, and we constantly re-evaluate whether our life reflects those values (also, this is exhausting.) So, for me personally, spending 95% of my time with my family just makes sense. 

I'll never regret spending time with my child

I know we should never say never. But, I can't conceive of a scenario in which I would look back on my life and say that I wish I'd spent less time with my child(ren). Particularly during the very early years. I also have never met anyone with grown children who has this regret. That speaks volumes to me. 

Of course there are days that I am pulling my hair out in frustration and need space from my child; but, when I get to spend the bulk of my days pouring love into her and teaching her values like kindness and empathy, I know I am exactly where I want to be. 

Andrew Peterson has a touching song called Planting Trees that so beautifully depicts his wife's work in one of its verses:

She rises up as morning breaks

She moves among these rooms alone

Before we wake

And her heart is so full; it overflows

She waters us with love and the children grow

THAT is what I want to do. I want to water my family with love at every opportunity. I want to give myself away in a deep and lasting way. I want to make memories of napping together, taking walks together, and learning about life from the inside out.

I can

Not everyone who wants to "stay at home" with their children can. Lots of moms and dads out there would love to be with their children full time but the realities of life demand that they work outside of the home. I know full well that I am lucky to even have this option and I do not take it for granted.

And while it is a privilege, it is also a sacrifice. Because of my choice I forfeit things like interacting and forming relationships with co-workers, keeping current on the latest computer skills and technology, building my resume, and of course a paycheck.

It challenges me

One of the key factors in happiness is whether or not we are challenged and given the opportunity to grow. Being a stay at home mom, I am regularly brought to the end of myself in ways I had never imagined. I am regularly pushed to my limit in areas like patience and self control. My character is being stretched and my rough edges are being exposed as I grapple with how to best raise this little life I have been entrusted with. My daughter teaches me just as much about life and love as I teach her, if not more.

Of course staying at home is not for every parent. "Working" parents have their own set of reasons for working outside of the home that are just as valid as mine. We are all doing what we think is best for ourselves and our families. No judgment. I personally do not know anyone who is not trying to take the best care they can of their children and raise them well. None of us make these decisions lightly. Let's all give each other grace, and encourage each other wherever life has us. These are just my reasons for doing what I do. 

Now. All that said, I could end up looking for a job tomorrow if something changes. None of us know what tomorrow holds. But for right now, for today, I am content. This is what is right for me and my family. I enjoy it and am grateful for it. Which I think is all any of us can ask for from life. 

What about you? What leads you to do what you do and how can we show grace and give space to those who are different than we are?

Hutchmoot

Going to Hutchmoot is a bit like stepping into an alternate universe. You are filled to the brim. You try your darndest to drink as much of the life giving water from the firehose that you can; but alas, it is impossible to take it all in. There are bits of brilliance that enter your mind and enlighten you. There are beautiful songs that envelope you in their melodies and carry you away with their refrains for a few sacred moments. And then there are the avalanches. The thoughts or ideas or new paradigms that make their way into your heart and crash down on everything else around them, making their presence known and changing you forever. 

Though a few weeks have gone by since the 'moot, I do not feel as though I've recovered yet. And I mean this in the best possible sense. Some things are so completely beautiful, so utterly grand and saturated with meaning, that it is almost too much for one heart to bear. There is a sense in which it almost brings me pain how beautiful this Hutchmoot thing was. It causes me to ache in a deep and profound way. Even now, trying to describe it with words only dilutes the true experience of it and frustrates this writer a bit.

I returned home a happier, more vibrant version of myself. I'd been gifted with a renewal unlike any I've had in years. It was as if I'd found myself again. The table was prepared for me by so many hard working kindred souls who put this thing on, and it created an environment where I was able to be served by God through them. I was fed with the richest of fare: truth, beauty, love, kinship, creation, and rest. My eyes are now open to see so much more than when I left: the golden hues of the sun on tree tops stops me in my tracks. The scent of the gardenias in my backyard makes me want to call all the neighbors over to savor this heavenly scent.

I was just so thoroughly plumb happy that it made me think for a minute that if I died while I was there, I might not have noticed if I was in this life or the next.

How could I be the recipient of such grace as to experience this delight? God knew. God knew I needed this gift. Let me tell you, friends, I was as dry and burnt as the Sahara in a heat wave when I arrived in Nashville; and when I left, I was a lush, green garden bursting with the rainbow colors of Eden. I was a different woman when I returned home. Not because of a Peterson, an Overstreet, or an Enger, but because of an extravagant God who rained down lavish grace on his dear daughter. And this daughter could not be more grateful. 

Cloth Diapering: Not As Bad As You Stink

When I was pregnant I never ever dreamed I would cloth diaper my baby. I had an image in my mind that involved safety pins, putrid diaper pails, and a mommy up to her elbows in poo. But, when Shiloh was 4 months old, I read a statistic:

An estimated 27.4 billion disposable diapers are used each year in the US, resulting in a possible 3.4 million tons of used diapers adding to landfills each year.

Did you get that? Twenty seven BILLION each YEAR just in the United States ALONE! That was too much for my little tree-hugging heart to bear. I had to know more. So, I started researching. I read about the effects of disposable and cloth diapers on the environment. I talked to cloth diapering moms, and tried to determine if this was a viable, sustainable endeavor for our family. The more I researched, the more I became excited about it and convinced that this was something I wanted to try.

So, we took the plunge. I bought mostly GroVia and Flip diapers. Both of these are the "hybrid" or "cover/insert" system of diaper, which consist of a cloth insert and a waterproof diaper cover. The inner insert gets soiled and changed, but as long as the outer cover is clean, it can be reused. I like this system because it makes for less laundry than other "all in one" diapers where the entire diaper needs to be laundered after each use. GroVia diapers even have a snap-together system so the insert and the cover are sure to stay in place! In fact, all of our diapers are snap or velcro closures so there's not a safety pin in sight!

I immediately loved cloth diapering. As with anything new there is a learning curve for sure, but especially while Shiloh was exclusively breastfeeding, the cleanup was a breeze. It just worked for me. Of course when we introduced solids into her diet, things became more interesting. Which brings me to the biggest thing folks are afraid of when they imagine cloth diapering: 

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE P O O ? ?

The answer is simple. You put it where it belongs: in the toilet. 

This is one of the great benefits of cloth for me, the poo is immediately flushed and not sitting in my house, where it will then be transferred to rot in a landfill somewhere. It is disposed of and then treated as it should be. I like that. I also use these awesome liners that "catch" the poo and are completely flushable (think of strong tissue paper). So when there is a dirty diaper I just take it to the bathroom, hold it over the potty, and flush. That's it!

I use a regular old trash can with a lid for the cloth diaper pail, and then just dump the whole thing into the wash every few days. A drop or two of tea tree oil keeps any odor at bay. I actually like how it smells! I am a person who really hates doing laundry, so when I tell you it's not that bad, you can believe me. Otherwise I would have stopped a long time ago.

Now, I am fully aware that cloth diapers have their own impact on the environment. They use large amounts of water and energy every time they are laundered. So, here are the things I'm doing to combat our carbon footprint:

~ I only wash full loads of diapers

~ I line dry my diapers whenever possible

~ I plan to use these diapers for future children

~ We bought "one size" diapers that grow with our baby, so we only need one set

I like to think that by implementing these few things, we are decreasing our family's impact on the environment. At least I know that our pile of diapers in the local landfill will be a small one.

That said, there are times when we use disposables. If we're traveling it's a no-brainer, as well as when Shiloh goes to preschool. We also reached a point when she was 11 or 12 months old where we switched to using a disposable at night because of the sheer amount of liquid that needed to be contained. Who knew someone less than a year old could hold Niagara Falls in her bladder?!

All in all, I love cloth. Some of the other benefits of cloth for us include a HUGE cost savings, a drastic decrease in diaper leaks and/or explosions, and the simple fact that they are downright cute. :) So, if you're considering cloth, please don't be intimidated. Give it a try! Reach out to a cloth diapering friend or a cloth diapering community. In Charlotte The Milky Way and The Baby Grocery Store are two fabulous places to get you started and each offer their own (free!) cloth diapering classes. There are also tons of online communities that offer support and even sell and trade diapers as well. I would also be happy to answer any questions you may have.

Having said all that, however, cloth diapering isn't for everyone. Each parent has to make their own decision about what is best for them and their child, so no judgment here if you choose disposables. This is just what works for us. To each his own! 

So whatever that choice may be for you and yours, happy bottoms to you, and good luck with whatever your diapers hold today! :)